The impact of fear on divorce is often underacknowledged. However, of all the emotions involved in the divorce process, fear often plays the largest role. It can affect when you decide to end things, how you approach the process, and even whether you commit to divorce at all.
It’s natural to worry that divorce will affect your life because it is a major change. However, if you are in an unhappy marriage, change will likely make things better, not worse. If you’re on the fence about getting divorced because you’re scared, you should know that your fears of the risks of divorce are likely overstated. In fact, with the right approach, you can circumvent most common divorce fears entirely. Here are our tips on how to handle four worries during your split.
1. Fear of Harming Your Children
If you’re a parent, your kids are your top priority. That can also make them the biggest hurdle in ending your marriage. After all, decades of television have reinforced the idea that divorce hurts children. Many couples will even delay their splits until their children are grown to “protect” them.
However, research has shown that divorce is not actively harmful to children. Kids are resilient – as long as they have a loving, safe, and supportive environment, they can adapt to most things without a problem. This includes their parents splitting up.
But doesn’t a divorce damage that environment? Not necessarily. In many cases, it actually improves their childhoods. Recent studies find that when parents divorce, they can provide better home lives for their kids.
This appears to be because even small amounts of tension between parents can stress kids and have lasting psychological impacts. Getting divorced ends your children’s constant exposure to parental conflict and lets you give them your full attention. In short, splitting up will likely help your kids in the long run.
2. Fear of Loss of Financial Stability
Getting divorced often leads to changes in your financial circumstances. You may worry about losing household income, increasing living expenses, and sacrificing your home or savings.
While some changes are inevitable, divorces are not financial punishments. In fact, family law is structured in California to make things scrupulously fair. If you do not have a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, you are guaranteed to keep half of all marital assets in your split. Your California divorce lawyer can also help you receive spousal support to help you maintain your standard of living until you can support yourself.
Furthermore, you likely do not have to worry about a judge arbitrarily ordering you to sell your house or divide beloved assets. Most couples can negotiate some or even all of their settlement without a judge’s input. If you and your spouse can still work together, you can negotiate a settlement that keeps you both financially secure on your terms.
3. Fear of Starting Over
You’ve put a lot of time and effort into your current relationship. Worrying about what you’ll do after it’s over is normal. Many people fear losing their social circle and support networks or worry they will have to start over.
That’s simply not true. While leaving a marriage is a big social change, it is just one relationship. Even if you have spent most of your energy trying to shore it up over the past few years, you can still rebuild other faded connections. Most people are more than happy to reconnect with old friends, especially those that have drifted apart due to marriage problems.
A better way to view your split is as an opportunity to start fresh. If you were happy in your marriage, you wouldn’t be considering a divorce. By ending the relationship that makes you unhappy, you’ll have more time and energy to dedicate to making new friends, exploring the things that you love to do, and building a life that you genuinely want.
If you’re worried about starting over romantically, you still have nothing to worry about. Rates of remarriage are on the rise for older adults. In fact, according to the Pew Research Center, 67% of people 55 and older who have been previously married were remarried in 2013. If you want to find a new and satisfying relationship, your odds are good, no matter your age.
4. Fear of Making Mistakes
The fear of making a mistake is the most fundamental worry most people have before getting divorced. It is a big step, after all; if you’re worried it may not be the right choice, you’re not alone.
This is a harder fear to dispel because some couples do get through difficult times together and return to being happily married. However, staying together just because you hope things improve helps no one. If you’re worried about whether divorce is right for you, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you want to stay with your current partner, or do you want to be with the person they were when you got married?
- If you met your partner today, would you want to start a relationship with them?
- Does your partner seem committed to making your relationship work, or do they just want to avoid change?
- Do you want to keep your relationship or just avoid the unknown?
If you no longer respect or like your spouse, divorce is unlikely to be a mistake. If they aren’t willing to work to save your relationship, it’s time to move on.
Let Attorney Diane J.N. Morin Address Your Divorce Worries
Divorce can be scary, but sometimes scary things are still worthwhile. If you’re worried about the outcome of your divorce, reach out to the Palo Alto Law Offices of Diane J.N. Morin Inc. Diane can address your worries and help you visualize a plan for a new, happier future. Schedule your consultation today to learn how experienced legal representation can help you get the no-fear divorce you need.
